Children Of Neglect

Being a mother is a right but also a responsibility. Some take it for granted, as most every woman can get DSCN1207pregnant if she has a partner to have sex with. But what does it really mean to be a mother? To get pregnant and to bring children to the world doesn’t quite cut it. That is just a biological function, like eating or vowel moving. To get pregnant and give birth doesn’t make you a mother. It is a lot more than that. Being a mother is being responsible for your children, making sure that they are healthy even before they are born, to take all the steps necessary to bring a happy healthy child to this world, to give them a head start on their lives.

Some irresponsible women get pregnant while they are strung out on crack, in many instances from men that don’t care to see their babies as much as they don’t care to ever again see their partners of one night. These women carry on with their destructive behavior, entangling innocent children in to their downward spiral. It is not right that people are negligent on their parenting; and it is not a matter of judging another human being on their habits; it is an issue that concerns us all, that has irreparable consequences for the children that happen to be born to those careless parents. I also would like to point out that it is not just the women that are doing the wrong thing. The fathers that choose to smoke and select their partners among women that do are just as irresponsible. They may not be carrying the babies on their womb, but they do contribute faulty DNA to the fetus, faulty support to the expecting mothers and faulty environment to the children born from that union.

We have a problem with neglected children, and although research out of Pennsylvania confirms that most people whose mothers smoked crack while pregnant don’t have permanent damage from the drug itself, they do have a lot of trouble when they are born, suffering abstinence syndrome, lower birth weight and nervousness that can turn in to ADHD later in life. All this in itself will shortchange them of a good start in life. There is additional damage done because of neglect, and because women that use crack very seldom use just one drug. They often drink and use pills, they overlook their own health, spending the little money they may have on the drugs instead of on a safe place where to sleep and on food to nourish themselves and the children.

These children end up in a less that desirable environment, being exposed to drugs themselves, going hungry and sleeping in strange houses or being homeless. In many cases they are left to fend for themselves for days on end, and when found out, sent in to the system, which provides foster care for them, adding to a very unstable start in life. All these put together is a recipe for disaster. This children don’t really know any better that the life that they have had since they were born, and in many cases love their parents as they are the only parents they know, their providers, if you can call them that. So to all the trauma, carelessness, malnutrition and neglect we add emotional abandonment once they are placed with foster families, which in the best of cases are loving couples that want to give these children a fighting chance. But they are not the parents the children know, they are being robbed of the little security they have been able to accumulate in their short lives.

Neglect and abuse are rampant in the lives of children of drug abusers; they go from a hard birth, with abstinence syndrome and nervousness to a life of neglect and abuse.

The system picks them up and puts them out in to foster families, which are apparently a better option that the precarious situation in which the children live, but nothing close to what the life of a child should be, with provided security, care, love and stability.

We have a terrible problem in our hands, and even though the tear of crack use of the 80s and 90s have subsided in the past few years, we find that there are more births of drunk mothers, which experts say that is even more damaging than crack itself.

To share her testimony, we have invited Ana. Ana has fostered several crack babies, finally adopting three sisters that were born to crack using parents. Please join us to give her a warm welcome on Tuesday October 8th at PM PST http://www.blogtalkradio.com/captivating-chats/2013/10/09/children-of-neglect

To read more on the subject visit Danica’s blog http://nica2013blog.wordpress.com/2013/10/07/forsakened/

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The Land of The Brave

We had a great wrap up show for the IRP6 case series. Yolanda is a magnificent woman; you can hear the W
dignity on her voice. She was poised and to the point, sure of what she was saying, safe and measured in her words.

Yolanda talked about her son and her husband with such self-assurance, such self-control. You could hear in the back of her voice, like an after taste, that she is hurt, but you didn’t hear her say it. You could feel that there are sleepless nights in her eyes, worrying about her family, her husband, her son Kyle’s health and emotional wellbeing, but she kept her composure through the whole interview, just pointing out her situation; but mostly talking about her husband, her son and her faith in God that all this ordeal will be over one day, that they will be together and happy one day, not too far from now. She was really vocal, and very intent on letting us all know that her son is a normal young man, with interests and activities proper of his age. He just has a trouble with seizures, an issue quite common with growing boys, which is usually outgrown by the time they reach adulthood. Unfortunately, in Kyle’s case, he had a terrible stressor starting at the age of 14, when his father started being unjustly investigated. That issue, together with the normal worries and stresses associated with growing up, have made the situation stretch till the present day, as Kyle is prone to have seizures circa his visitations to his father. It seems to be totally unfair that he looses his father when he needs him the most; it is a bad place to be for a young man. At a time where he should be learning to be a man from his father, he is dreading the time that he can spend with him. The stress caused by having to see him in prison is too much for Kyle to be able to stand with a calm spirit, his joy spoiled by a sickness that has been refueled by his family’s present situation. What a shame, a young man suffering emotionally, psychologically, and physically in such a way, and to such intensity that his body is rebelling and loosing control over the situation. Kyle is calm apparently, always with a smile on his face, but somehow his stress comes out and manifests itself as seizures.

As with the other cases, we were left with a bittersweet taste in our mouths. We are impressed with these women’s fortitude and with these children resilience, but is all this pain really necessary? All this trouble could be relieved with a case review, with a second look at the evidence and a fair trial, in which all information is transparent and clear procedures. Would it make more sense to straighten out this terrible mess?

All this has been hard to report, but very rewarding; an injustice after another; women left behind, children suffering and abandoned. A system that is failing us all, not just the families involved in the IRP6 case. These children are the future of this country and these women are the mentors that educate them. When we allow injustice to prevail in a society we allow for corruption and ultimately we allow for degradation and shame.

Are we to stand quiet when the future of this country is compromised? We have heard terrible stories these past episodes, we have grinded our teeth, grieved and cried with these women, but what I felt the most is a sense of loss. A sense that we are loosing our humanity when we allow for injustice to go on; when we allow women and children to suffer needlessly; when we look at the pain of others with indifference. Are we really the land of the brave?

To get additional information and another point of view, visit Danica’s blog at http://nica2013blog.wordpress.com/

Making the Best Out of It

What makes some people be able to live through terrible situations and make the best out of it? 1216121440aMost of us will go through pain and grief in our lifetime. Loss of a loved one, a serious illness, hardships and financial loss will reach every one of us at one point or another. Whatever the situation is, as we grow old, we all have one or many reasons to experience grief and to mourn. And we are all conditioned by society and evolution to deal with pain in more or less the same fashion.

Most human beings will go through 4 of the 5 stages of loss, not all with the same intensity or in the same fashion, but we will experience denial, anger, bargaining and depression. The 5th one, acceptance is reserved for some, but not all of us. Some times death reaches us before we are able to accept that we will die, or sometimes we will get stuck in one of the previous stages, not allowing for a healthy healing.

When we get stuck and don’t allow for the next stage to arrive, or when we go repeatedly back and forth in between stage, we develop PTSD, that very prevalent disease that was first identified to recognize the changes in mood and terrible experiences, that in many cases last for a lifetime, which affected WWII veterans.

Doctors evaluated certain traits, as deep depression, flashbacks, and nightmares that would not go away. Feeling sorry for oneself and having a monothematic conversation, usually centered in one’s loss is what we commonly see it represented as. All the symptoms of PTSD are normal and are part of the healing process. What makes it a horrible disease is that the individual is not able to keep going, to let the grief develop and the energy flow

We know today that not only veterans acquire PTSD. Many people, and specially women, will develop the disease when they go through highly traumatic events. But not everyone will. Some individuals are able to, no matter how traumatized they are, recover, pick up the pieces and get going with their lives. What makes this individuals able to cope when others end up destroying whatever is left of their lives by drinking, doing drugs, or sleeping in to a terrible depression that will not allow them to have a fulfilling life ever again, or at least for a long time? What makes some individuals more suited to pick up the pieces and go?

Why me? And the immediate answer is why not? What makes me better than anybody else that is going thought the same things I have endured, and in many cases worse times? To me that is the break point, when we finally realize that we are not the center of the world, ad that other people hurt as much as we do if not more. Now we can start working with ourselves, Now we can get busy and use the three magical attitudes, gratitude, compassion and hope

Gratitude for being here, for having the insight, for having the problem so we can learn from it…

Compassion for yourself, for others, for the situation, for the world that we live…

Hope that it will get better, that we will learn from our situation, that we will be an example to others…

All these take us to action, to taking a proactive attitude and to get out of our head and in to doing something, whether it is to fix the problem at hand if possible or to cut our losses and make the best of the hand that life has dealt us. Right at this point we stop feeling sorry for ourselves and we realize that we are responsible for what has happened, although not at fault, and we take charge of our lives. We are not the victim any more. Instead we are the heroes of our own story, and whatever may happen we are victorious, as we have learned our lesson and we can moved on.

Please join Catherine and I for a discussion on how we deal with grief and getting back on your feet. Or dial (347) 637-3317 I hope to see you there

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/captivating-chats/2013/07/24/picking-up-the-pieces

 

Enriching and Getting Enriched

We had our second show, and it is getting very exciting.  Our numbers are getting higher. We are

Looking beautiful in a harsh world

Looking beautiful in a harsh world

getting an audience and we had a caller, although we could not talk to the person, as there was no sound. Maybe they had their phone on mute. But never the less it was an exciting moment and it made a difference. We want all of you to call and participate, we want to hear what you have to say, what your opinions are, and what topics you would like to hear us talk about with you.

Catherine and I had fun, like always that we get together. We are so different and I think that that is one of the reasons why we click. We can learn so much from each other. Catherine likes to color coordinate and accessorize, I am your casual woman, dressed up when needed, but comfortable in jeans and shirts. She loves her make up and nails done, I wear a washed faced with natural oils to moisturize; but in our own ways we are both feminine, we look at the world from the eyes of woman, and we are both very driven and ambitions in our goals, still in a very feminine way.

We came to different conclusions about what we feel what being feminine is, but somehow we have come around and seen the other’s point of view. This show definitely gave me some pointers one how to be more organized and efficient in my life.

We finally got to the conclusion that being empathic makes our job a little bit harder and the lives of others around us a little bit easier in this masculine ridden world.

It is a lot healthier and fulfilling to us women to be in tune with our vibration, in touch with our instinct.  If we are willing to make a compromise, if we make the effort to be true to ourselves, we will have the power to change the world, one of us at the time.

The world is going through a lot of changes, and I believe that femininity is getting past due recognition. There are more men and woman recognizing the power of female, the energy of nurture. Take a leap and explore your inner self, it is time to take control of who we are.

If you didn’t get a chance to listen to our show, please feel free to go back and listen to the archive of the show:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/captivating-chats/2013/07/17/what-does-being-feminine-mean-to-you

 

Next coming show, scheduled for Tuesday July 19, 2013, we will be talking about picking up the pieces after a fall, getting up and getting going. We hope you join us and celebrate your femininity by taking action and making a conscious effort to change your little corner of the world.