Healing Oneself by Healing Others

Denise was a treat; open, candid, caring; with great respect and compassion she gave us a picture of denisechildwhat happens in to the life of those who suffer; she was able to transmit to us a reality that could hardly be ignored, a past that doesn’t go away till it is looked at it in the face, till it is accepted and embraced, out in the open so we are able to let go, to let be. The kind of past that needs to be acknowledged and embraced, talked about and brought to light so it can heal, blending with today’s safe memories.

Having been molested, Denise went through very hard times, detached from reality, denying her pain, she went trough life with a tremendous secret, sorrow and shame that was eating her inside. During all those years of silence, the abuse that had happened was still a negative force inside of Denise, burning, breaking, hurting, as coals stay lit and hot, her memories, her secret, were still living inside of her, bringing shame and confusion, depression and destructive patterns.

Denise new she had to do something, so she set herself up to help others. Volunteering for charities and support organizations was a great beginning for Denise, giving her a sense of accomplishment, community, healing; but mostly opening up in her the desire to talk, bringing the strength from inside to start sharing her story with a few of the victims she helped, giving them hope and courage with her experiences, with her lead and example.  Denise realized she needed to tell her story to others, if a story going to heal others has to be told; and as an unexpected bonus, Denise started her own healing by sharing, by trusting again, but opening up here heart and allowing for redemption, for understanding and compassion; for a new life, really, full of dreams and goals, feeling safe and secure, and feeling useful, helping other teens in trouble overcome their problems and bring light in to their own lives. Isn’t that a something? When we set out to help others we end up helping ourselves the most. So this way Denise realized that the best way to help herself and help others was to keep on coming forward, to be open and supportive; to be strong for herself and others, but mostly for that brave little girl, Denise, that endured all that pain and suffering, all that shame and isolation out of love for her mother and the promise of a “normal” family.

Denise started writing and a has a great blog, you can read some of her work here http://bnewvision.wordpress.com/

She has also produced an amazing video of her experience and healing process http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r66Ov2_jKsI&feature=youtu.be

This project is allowed Denise to admit to her pain, remove the shame opening a whole new avenue of possibilities, compassion, love, understanding, support and hope. Denise has been able to free herself from her chains, gathering the strength and courage to help others.

Today Denise, although has a long way to go, a whole life time of healing, is a much happier woman, that stands up for herself, not ashamed to be a victim, but proud to be a survivor.

You can listen to the archive of her interview http://www.blogtalkradio.com/becausewomenareamazing/2014/01/08/children-are-precious

 

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Domestic Violence Awareness

We live in turbulent times, but this is not a new thing. Women have been suffering abuse for as long asDSCN1175 women and men have been getting together and having children.

Life turns around and we don’t even know how. One day we are fine, we have all our cards in our hands, we believe the rest of our lives will be just like they were up to now. But suddenly there is a turn and then other, and even another one, and then we feel lost. We don’t know what to do any more, what was right is left and what we used to like is hurting us. The truth is that the only thing that we can trust in life is that it will change, but we forget. We plan the rest of our lives like if we knew what lies ahead, but we are shown, time and time again that we should not take anything for granted.

And oh well, we find out that life changes and that we have to adapt, but how do we make mayor changes when we are not ready, because we never are. We get disoriented as we think that it could not happen to us, our spouse will not turn on us, our lives are guaranteed to stay as we planed them. . Those things happen to other people, not us. We are too full of ourselves, not really understanding that we are at the mercy of the elements.

And one month turns in to another and a year in to the next, all this can go for a long time before we realize what is going on. Finally there will be a catharsis, a climax that turns the tables. For many women is the first time that the abuse turns in to violence, for others is their family when they finally find out, and still for others is fear for their children, that they may get hurt, that they may grow up to find all this as natural or heavily traumatized.

Women get out of terrible situations and get ahead; sometimes it takes years to get their heads above the water once again. It is not an easy task, to deal with the divorce, the loneliness and the prospect of a future without the person that one day, not too long ago, was the center of their lives. And then is the matter of dealing with a family of by themselves, with the expenses and the job, the problems, children and day care; but most of all the shame. Many women have a really hard time dealing with the fact that their spouses abused them, that they have a failed marriage. What are their families going to think about them? How could their judgment be so skew?

The truth is that none of that is needed. There are myriads of reasons why people abuse others, and none of them are the fault of the abused, but still, that is part of the mourning, part of the suffering that the victim feels, once again being victimized.

Fortunately there are more and more women getting ahead with their lives after traumatic experiences, as there is more awareness, more services and more education about the matter. October is the month for domestic violence awareness, one of the many ways that we as a society have placed for people’s education, for this problem to go away, so no more women need to go through the anguish of not knowing what to do and the shame of having to undo their lives so they can keep on living, and to honor this social awareness effort we like to contribute with a program dedicated to all the women that have suffered and are suffering at the hands of their spouses.

I don’t want anybody to think that I believe that all man are abusers, not by far, but some are and they do a lot of damage, to their spouses, their children and themselves.  And I don’t want to indicate that it is only men that abuse women. Some women abuse men as well. Abuse is not only physical violence; it can take many forms, including sexual abuse, verbal abuse, coercion and control. 

 

To give help us understand the issue and make us further conscientious of the matter we have invited Rhachelle Nicol, a brave woman that went through really hard times to come the other way with flying colors. After she won her own personal battles,  feeling that she had to help others Rhachelle is currently working on a project to bring awareness, education and support to women in trouble.

Please join us this coming Tuesday October 22nd at 8 PM PST to welcome Rhacelle Nicole to our show, you will be surprised and delighted with this highly energetic women, we are delighted to have her with us.

Lady Justice

Ethel is fantastic; she has very clear ideas about what justice is. She jail doorhas very clear concept of who her friends are and she fights for them with tooth and nail. She is a bright single-minded lady from Colorado and she has a mission.

She is a church going woman, who loves her pastor and loves the parishioners like she loves her own family. She believes in these men because she knows them since they were children, and she has seen them grow up to become decent, hard-working men. And for sure she is not going to stand there, waiting for something to happen; she is making it happen. She is working for it, going to every gathering, every event that she can think of that will render more information, more support, more results. She has written to politicians and organizations, she gathers with friends and comes up with plans, she knocks in all the doors; she is talking to the world. And as she says, not just for this men, but for all of us, as this could happen to anyone.

Ethel came and told us the story of her friends. Six men put in prison, condemned to 17 years for no apparent reason. But there are reasons, and she let us know. She gave her opinion about who she thinks is involved in this fiasco, and she left it at that, for now. So far she has not physical evidence of what happened, but she will get it; actions speak louder than words, and they all knew who was getting on their way, who has interests on getting this men out of their way, who may have a problem with these men being successful.

Her main concerns now are the wives, how they are surviving the trauma, carrying on with family life. And the children, how are they dealing with the absence, with the pain, with the shame. She mentioned them, as an introduction to all of us about the collateral victims, the problem caused by the families and friends But really, there was not enough time in the show to bring the whole issue to light. We solved that problem though. We talked to Ethel and she will be coming back next week with one of the ladies. They will be in the show to further illustrate the point of the consequences of injustice in American families and American children.

A Broken System

Times are changing and not always for the best. We are living in a world that seems to have DSCN0732forgotten about justice. The blindness of the Lady seems to have turned just one blind eye, and for some, the wrong one. It doesn’t seem that there is equality any more. In order to get a fair trial you need to have a good lawyer, a really good lawyer, and that costs a lot of money. Does that mean that if you don’t have a lot of money you are doomed to prison, and if you are affluent you can get away with murder? It is scary to think about in those terms, because, who has a lot of money? Unfortunately not a lot of us do

Being taken for granted is not uncommon any more, at least in some strata. Empathy and compassion are a thing of the past, and we are all too busy, have too many things to do to care. Is that where we want to be? We are becoming indifferent as a society. We seem to only care about what we have not what or who we are. If we have money we are worthy, if we are regular citizens with a job and bills to pay, we don’t count as much. Unfortunately we don’t usually realize this until it is too late, and we need more social or economical weight than we have. We are all too confident that we are OK.  We pay taxes and obey the law, don’t we? Why should we get need to worry? Why should we care?  What makes us think that all this is not going to touch us? How can we be so sure that this is not going to be a problem for ourselves? It is becoming all too common for people not to be able to get out of a situation in which they didn’t have anything to do, of which they were not even aware.

Well, some people have, and it is not a good thing. We assume that if somebody goes to prison is because they have done something wrong, because they are in the wrong side of the law. But unfortunately it is not always the case. I have been meeting more and more people that tell me that they were tried in a court of justice for something they haven’t done, in fact, for things they were not even related to. Is that carelessness of the justice system, or is it worse than that? Done in purpose to remove somebody from their way, or frame an individual so another one can go free. We can even think that some people could be there just to be made an example of.

It is true, in some cases, many times exploited by media; people go free when the consensus of people believes them guilty. It is more of the same. Our justice system seems to be broken, or to say it plainly, unjust. Have we all gone crazy or is it just me?

The more I think about it, the more concerned I am. We go through life without a second thought, what happens to others is none of my business, think most of us, but is it? It could be me, us, it could happen to anyone. And then it is my problem.

Well, I choose to make it my problem before it touches me directly. I choose to speak up and let the world know, for what that may be worth, that we need to stand united, that we are all one and that we should act like it. Like if we all matter equally, because we do.

To help us understand this issue we have invited a very interesting guest, Ethel Lopez. Ethel has some friends to whom this very thing happened, some members of her close friend circle have been put in a bad situation and she is doing something about it. Not because it is happening to her, but because she believes in justice and she wants to make it better. She will be talking to us about what happen and about what their wives and families are going through as a consequence of this trouble.

Please join us for a chat about injustice with Ethel, Tuesday September 3rd at 8 PM, PST http://www.blogtalkradio.com/captivating-chats/2013/09/04/unjust-justice

We really appreciate you listening to us, and who knows, maybe we can all together make a difference.