Healing Oneself by Healing Others

Denise was a treat; open, candid, caring; with great respect and compassion she gave us a picture of denisechildwhat happens in to the life of those who suffer; she was able to transmit to us a reality that could hardly be ignored, a past that doesn’t go away till it is looked at it in the face, till it is accepted and embraced, out in the open so we are able to let go, to let be. The kind of past that needs to be acknowledged and embraced, talked about and brought to light so it can heal, blending with today’s safe memories.

Having been molested, Denise went through very hard times, detached from reality, denying her pain, she went trough life with a tremendous secret, sorrow and shame that was eating her inside. During all those years of silence, the abuse that had happened was still a negative force inside of Denise, burning, breaking, hurting, as coals stay lit and hot, her memories, her secret, were still living inside of her, bringing shame and confusion, depression and destructive patterns.

Denise new she had to do something, so she set herself up to help others. Volunteering for charities and support organizations was a great beginning for Denise, giving her a sense of accomplishment, community, healing; but mostly opening up in her the desire to talk, bringing the strength from inside to start sharing her story with a few of the victims she helped, giving them hope and courage with her experiences, with her lead and example.  Denise realized she needed to tell her story to others, if a story going to heal others has to be told; and as an unexpected bonus, Denise started her own healing by sharing, by trusting again, but opening up here heart and allowing for redemption, for understanding and compassion; for a new life, really, full of dreams and goals, feeling safe and secure, and feeling useful, helping other teens in trouble overcome their problems and bring light in to their own lives. Isn’t that a something? When we set out to help others we end up helping ourselves the most. So this way Denise realized that the best way to help herself and help others was to keep on coming forward, to be open and supportive; to be strong for herself and others, but mostly for that brave little girl, Denise, that endured all that pain and suffering, all that shame and isolation out of love for her mother and the promise of a “normal” family.

Denise started writing and a has a great blog, you can read some of her work here http://bnewvision.wordpress.com/

She has also produced an amazing video of her experience and healing process http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r66Ov2_jKsI&feature=youtu.be

This project is allowed Denise to admit to her pain, remove the shame opening a whole new avenue of possibilities, compassion, love, understanding, support and hope. Denise has been able to free herself from her chains, gathering the strength and courage to help others.

Today Denise, although has a long way to go, a whole life time of healing, is a much happier woman, that stands up for herself, not ashamed to be a victim, but proud to be a survivor.

You can listen to the archive of her interview http://www.blogtalkradio.com/becausewomenareamazing/2014/01/08/children-are-precious

 

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Children of Grief

Tuesday will be our final show for the IRP6 case series, and for the wrap up show we have a very special DSCN1228guest, Yolanda Walker. Yolanda, just like the other wives, is putting all her efforts in having their husbands’ freed and their names cleared. She is a stay home mum. She cares for their son Kyle who is suffering from seizures since a very young age and that in itself is a full time job, very stressful and with a lot of responsibility. Caring for a child with seizures is  best done with the help of a partner or other care taker, as the watch has to go on 24 hours a day, there is not really a moment of rest and let down. She is not able to take brakes on the care, it is all on her for now. Yolanda has been doing it all through the past year and a half, it is all her responsibility for now.

Kyle has always been very attached to his parents and had never spent a night away from them until his father, Gary went to prison; he misses his father tremendously.

Kyle has been having a really hard time since the whole problem with the IRP6 case started, he is a very sensitive child and the tension and stress of the situation have made his seizures a lot more intense and a lot more frequent; his health and emotional state are very affected by the ordeal; it is a really bad situation.

And even though Gary is a good father and he is involved in the family life as much as he can, making decisions with Yolanda and giving Kyle the special love that he needs, he is not there to give the child the time and support that he needs. Yolanda has to cope with it all. The family life, the special needs and attention, the errands and visits to Gary. She is doing all she can, she tries to be a father and a mother to Kyle, setting example and caring for him, but it is frustrating to see her son suffering so much, most of all because is not fair. It is not fair that he doesn’t have his father at home with him to reassure him and help him with his troubles.

Yolanda is a woman of few words, but she will be telling us what it has been like to take care of it all, what her feelings are and how she deals with it.

Please join us in welcoming Yolanda Walker. Tune in Tuesday October 1st at 8 PM PST http://www.blogtalkradio.com/captivating-chats/2013/10/02/children-of-grief or call  (347) 637-3317 Get there early, as queue is limited and bring your inquires with you, we will be taking questions from the chat and the phone lines.

To read more about this week’s show please visit Danica’s blog http://nica2013blog.wordpress.com

And What About The Children

We talk about the women left behind, but what about the children? How do they cope with loss and Untitledabandonment, the loneliness, the lost years? No one should have to deal with this kind of injustice, but least of all the younger ones.

The women have had a set back, they made a commitment for life, and society has cut their hopes short. They have been let down and thrown in to the void of loneliness. But we as adults can rationalize, we can think that things will get better and work towards it. I am not saying that it is easy, it is still very hard, but an adult has more tools to deal with pain and suffering, with injustice. Children are supposed to be promoted and supported; not be hurt by the system, but educated and edified. In some instances, it is the parents that abandon and abuse the children, that is awful, totally regrettable; and then the system is supposed to come in and intervene, taking them away from a toxic family environment and protecting them. We all know that that is not the best case scenario, we know that the system is not all that is cracked up to be, but that is the morals behind child services, protection of children; with all it shortcomings, after all, a way of keeping the little ones from further damage.

This is beyond what we have ever learned about our society’s shortcomings. Here we have hard working, loving, law abiding men, starting and supporting happy families; we have wives and children that are happy together, building a future for themselves, and then disgrace strikes. And no to the fault of the men, or even the family; all this is to be blamed in to injustice reining in our culture, in the heart of American families, and it is carrying on way too long.

It has been over a year since these children have their fathers at home, since they miss their love and guidance, their company and support. It has been over a year since this men have had a chance to reassure their children, walk them through troubles, as they are looking in to troubles right on the face.

These children are being robed of their innocence, their trust in society and human kind; what future are we building for them, for society for that matter? They are the pillars of tomorrow, why should we make them feel like there is no hope, no justice in the world? But these children are rightly guided and shown that love will conquer all. They are taught right from wrong and reassured by their fathers and mothers that only working hard and being righteous will win the day. And even though they still struggle to do the right thing, to forgive and forget; you can see that they are guided by their support circle and family towards patience and love, towards a just system and a just outcome. They just want to have their father at home, to be their model for life, to be their guiding light

I am sharing with you the testimony of these children as they are portrayed in an interview at their church. https://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=M9AVrCSQK3I

They are of different ages, all of them with their own idiosyncrasies, their own issues regarding their loss. They are candid and kind; you see the pain on their eyes and the fortitude on their smiles. They are talking about loss but they are still hopeful and strong. They want more than anything in the world to have their fathers back, they believe on their innocence, they know them to be good men, good fathers, and the world to them. What can you tell a child when their father goes away, furthermore, what can you tell them when the same institutions that are supposed to protect them are the ones taking their fathers, hurting them, abandoning them, shortchanging them and abusing their trust and childhood innocence.

To illustrate this point, and help us understand the problems surrounding the children and to give us testimony of what is means to reassure your children when you yourself are loosing faith in society, we have invited Tasha Harper, Demetrius Harper’s wife and mother of 16 years old Kayla and 8 years old Braylon, each of them with the issues typical of their age group and aggravated by their father’s absence.

Please join us to welcome our guest and her powerful testimony, this Tuesday September 17th at 8PM PST. We love your company and support

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/captivating-chats/2013/09/18/and-what-about-the-children

Please visit Danica’s Blog, http://nica2013blog.wordpress.com/

she has a lot to say about this topic and many others, she will enlighten and inspire you as she is a very conscientious woman, full of life and wisdom

She Dared, She Dared, She Succeeded

Once again we have had a wonderful show. We heard how to get on with your life when Fruitful in a tough worldthings work out less than perfect, and do a wonderful job at it

LaDonna Cook was truly inspirational. She is a single mother of two and a therapist. She put herself through school while working and acting as a full time mom. What a beautiful example of what one can do when one set their mind to do something great.

She is a woman full of life and dreams, she is positive and joyful, and a nurturing mother; but she shows a tremendous sense of self and willpower. LaDonna not only obtain three degrees and is working for a reputable institution, she is pursuing her dream. She started from the beginning, with self-determination, and  went to school for years while taking care of her two children, showing us all that it can be done.

She is a very positive woman, with a beautiful attitude. Nothing gets in her way when she decides to do something, she is just amazing. You can feel her power as she speaks, and although her voice is little her spirit is huge.

While listening to her I was thinking of all the women that are struggling right now, how her testimony can t help them get ahead on their life. If LaDonna can succeed, every other single mom should be able to, as she did it all by herself, with her will power as her only support and her spirituality as guidance.

We all go through times when we don’t know, when we don’t dare to do something so we don’t fail. LaDonna wasn’t even faced by the shadow of failure, she could not afford to do that She has children that need her, and a life that could not wait for her to get on with it. So she did, she got herself accomplished as a professional so she could take care of her obligations; and then, after the family needs where met, she set on to her writing dream. Today she has published a book and has one in the works, she is involved in her community and she is collaborating with other authors. She is a great poet, she puts her soul in everything she does. To me LaDonna is a winner; she is a woman from which we can all learn.

Please visit LaDonna at ladonnamariebooks.com for a closer look at her work, and join her in twitter @LMB_poetry. She also has a very active Facebook account, you can find her at LaDonna Marie (Lmb Poetry) it is worth the visit.

Next week Danica and I will be chatting about body image. We all have one, and most of the time is been distorted by someone else’s opinion. Did you know that beauty concept is a cultural construct. We will talk more about it next Tuesday, please join us.

Stalking

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Somebody is lurking in the woods

Here is a problem of which we all know about but nobody pays attention to. We hear in the news, very seldom I may add, about celebrities getting stalked. But we all think about this mostly as a joke, as parkers or overzealous fans wanting to have a taste of the celebrity, or may be a token of their personal effects so they can sale it in EBay. We are so misinformed as to think that in order for someone to want to stalk us we have to have visibility in the world, or maybe be beautiful or have a lot of money. But the truth is that many of us have had a taste of what stalking is; an angry email that can’t get solved, not matter how many times you answer it in conciliatory terms, an obnoxious ex-boyfriend calling your cell non-stop, prank hung-up calls, or the crazy caller that just doesn’t answer as you pickup the line, and seems to get his jollies on hearing you say “Hello”. Even a scarier thought of somebody driving by your home several times a day, or finding out where you work and showing up at the most inconvenient of times. Still with all this we disregard the issue. We refer to what happens to us in a joking manner, we don’t take it as seriously as it can be, we don’t think that it can happen to us. Is it ignorance in the matter or is it fear? If I don’t pay attention to it, it is not happening. We see a guy looking inside of our window and we think it is a peeping tom. We run them away and don’t think twice about it. Fortunately the majority of cases are just that, a sore ex-boyfriend, an upset co-worker, or even the wrong phone number or a teenager’s prank call.

The problem only begins when the incident persist. We may become a little queasy, nervous and start thinking of the last scary movie we saw, where the heroine was being followed by this stranger. We think about calling the police, but there lays another problem. What is the police to do if you call them to tell them that “somebody” is calling you? What are they going to respond when you tell them that a strange man drives around your home several times a day, or that you know that somebody is peeping through your windows? I think we all think the same thing. They are going to think I am crazy; they are going to tell me to get over myself. Where is the proof of all this? Do I have a name? I am going to feel like if I am the one perpetrating. Unfortunately that is partially the truth. Police don’t know how to deal with these issues, and in some instances they may make it a bigger problem with the attitude towards the victim, a little like the attitude towards the victims of rape. And it is a little bit like rape. We feel that somebody, we don’t know who, is watching us, has our information and knows details of our private life. It is an invasion of privacy; but beyond: when somebody breaks in to our house they come in looking for goods to sale, they steal and they go, they don’t care about us or what we do with our time. When someone gets stalked, the individual comes and harasses, and comes back again, and again…We don’t know what they want, who they are, or even when they are going to come back next. We feel they know our every move, we feel at their mercy as they take advantage of their anonymity.

Fortunately most cases resolve themselves, we don’t have to call the police or their intervention, but in some instances we find that the stalking continues. The stalker is a real danger, they may feel that they belong in the victim’s life that they want to be part of it, or the crazy idea of “if I don’t have them nobody else will”. They make the victim’s life miserable, and they may even decide to take their victims life if they don’t get what they pursue.

This is exactly what happened to Morgan. Just a normal girl from Colorado, happy, lively young woman, with projects and a lot of drive, hard working towards her future and the well being of others

Morgan was unfortunate enough to attract some soulless being’s attention, and after 4 months of stalking he ended up her life. Motives? Reasons? I think that there are none. But her family is left with a lot of questions, a lot of pain, and mostly with a big empty space

Morgan’s Mom, Toni will be joining us this Tuesday August 6th to share her story and to raise awareness on stalking and its consequences. Please join us to welcome her and to listen to her very powerful testimony at   http://www.blogtalkradio.com/captivating-chats/2013/08/07/our-special-guest-toni–morgans-stalking